From Ladies Home Journal - July 1991
SHOPLIFTING
STICKY FINGERS THAT LEAD TO TROUBLE
A guide to child rearing in the nineties. When kids take what isn't theirs. Summer vacation and flying alone. By Mary Mohler and Margery D. Rosen
My friend Alana and I went Into Mapes, the five-and-ten in town,
to buy some makeup, " recalled fourteen-year-old Suzanne. "We picked
out some new lipsticks, then Alana noticed one of those giant bags of M&M’s.
I realized I didn't have enough money, so I just stuffed the bag into my pocketbook,
then paid for the rest of the stuff. "
Will Suzanne make a career of crime? Probably not but that doesn't make it any easier for parents who discover-as almost all do at some time-that their darlings have purloined a little something.
"A majority of children shoplift at some time," says David Huizinga, Ph.D., a psychologist at the Institute of Behavioral Science at the University of Colorado in. Boulder, who is currently working on a nationwide study of delinquency. Since most shoplifting goes undetected, statistics are hard to come by. But Commercial Service Systems, Inc., of California, an investigative company that specializes in retail security systems and monitors shoplifting in that state, notes that 12.7 percent of the cases they document are committed by children twelve to seventeen years old, with youngsters under twelve accounting for an additional 3.4 percent.
Children shopli1i for many reasons. Preschoolers may appear to understand the concept of mine and yours, but they are often unable to apply such reasoning to the candy bar on the grocery shelf. Older children, like Suzanne, do realize that shoplifting is wrong, but they succumb to the temptation anyway. Teenagers may steal in response to a dare or a threat, to impress friends or enhance their image. Still others may find it difficult to cope with the pressures of growing up. A fight with their parents. the breakup of a friendship, a low mark on a test, can make them feel out of control; breaking the rules gives them back a sense of power.
Why do some children steal one lipstick and cal1 it quits, while others fall into an irresistible habit? "Kids may try shoplifting a few times but give it up when it doesn't help them feel good about themselves," says Bonnie Sanders Polin, Ph.D., a Tulsa family therapist. "Those who continue may be looking to 1m an emotional need." Here's what you can do to make sure your child withstands the temptation:
Set limits. Monitor your children, know what they're up to. Provide recognition when they do something to merit it and appropriate discipline when they misbehave.
Explain your feelings clearly. "Tell them shoplifting is not tolerated," says Polin. With older kids, try to figure out together why they feel the need to steal. Ask questions: "Did it make you feel important'!" "Did you want to be part of a group?" Then work with your child to prepare a strategy he can use the next time friends put the pressure on.
Emphasize consequences. "At the moment of shoplifting, children block out the risk factor," notes Kathleen Bacon, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City and director of program development for Shoplifters Anonymous, "so make sure you explain the risks a child is taking." Bring up the possibility of arrest.
Insist that your children make restitution. "Don't try to rescue your child," cautions Polin. "Young or old, they should bring the stolen item back and apologize to the manager.'
If you think your child might have a serious problem with shoplifting, seek professional help. Organizations such as Shoplifters Anonymous also offer programs for juveniles; call 800-848-9595.
-ROBIN SANDERS