From Woman's Day - January 12, 1993

Why Nice Women Steal

Respectable wives and mothers steal millions of dollars' worth of merchandise from stores every year. And their motives are seldom financial.

BY ESTHER DAVIDOWITZ

Katie Haskel, a mother of three, has been hooked on shoplifting for more than 20 years. It all started when she was a new mother-bored, restless and struggling. ''We hadn't much money and I had nothing to do but shop," she says. The first item she stole was an outfit for her baby daughter. "I just threw it into her carriage and walked right out of the store."

Katie couldn't believe how easy it was-or how good it felt. "It was so exciting; I felt great that I'd gotten away with it." A few weeks later, she found herself stealing again.

At first it was a game, she says, but she soon found that she couldn't stop playing. "I thought I could control it but I couldn't. Every time I went into a store, I had to take something. I'm an executive secretary," Katie continues, "and my husband is an engineer. Money stopped being an issue a long time ago. But shoplifting has remained one."

Why They Do It

Why do women like Katie, good "respectable" women who normally wouldn't behave unethically or dream of breaking the law, shoplift? Why do even wealthy, famous women shoplift, women like Bess Myerson-the former Miss, America who was convicted in 1988 of stealing nail polish, batteries and cheap earrings from a Pennsylvania store?

"The problem isn't financial, it's psychological," says Jeff Gottlieb, Ph.D., head of a shoplifting offenders program in Minneapolis. "The vast majority of people who shoplift have the money to pay for the items."

"It's a disease," says Dr. Zira DeFries, a New York City psychiatrist, "a disease that stems from depression, low self-esteem or anger."

Psychologists agree that shoplifters generally feel underloved and underappreciated-usually by husbands, sometimes by parents, occasionally by children. Getting something for nothing gives them a feeling of power. One woman who was arrested seven times for shoplifting says, "Stealing was like a drug to me." Like drugs, shoplifting can also be addictive.

Many female shoplifters are also angry.

"These women tend to be prim and proper," says Katherine DiFrancesca, Ph.D., a San Diego psychologist who has treated many shoplifters. "Their ideal self-image doesn't allow for anger."

The fury is there nonetheless, and like a volcano it has to erupt. It comes out in illegal, immoral behavior-at the supermarket, the mall, the department store. Dr. DiFrancesca tells of one woman who stole because, among other things, her husband looked at other women. "Shoplifting is a way of releasing pent-up emotions," she explains. Ripping off a big store is their way of saying, "I'll show you."

That's why, psychologists say, compulsive shoplifters often steal goods they don't need or want. For them, it's not the having that's important; it's the stealing. According to Bonnie Kin, Ph.D., a psychologist in Manhattan Beach, California, shoplifters have been known to pinch articles from discount department stores, then hand them out to homeless drifters.

While shoplifting may momentarily ease anger or depression, however, it's certainly no cure. In fact, it usually makes things worse. "It increases self-loathing," says Dr. DiFrancesca.

Why Relatives Don't Know
Cindy Lair,* a 43-year-old divorced mother of two, shoplifted off and on since age 10. "It got to the point," she says, "where I couldn't get through one day without stealing." Sometimes she even took money from friends' wallets. "I'd feel horrible afterward," Cindy recalls. "I thought that if my friends or my husband knew, they'd realize what a horrid person I really was." But Cindy's friends and relatives had no idea what she was doing.

Sometimes, though, others can't help knowing. Katie Haskel's husband, for example, learned about her problem one night after she was arrested for stealing lipstick and face powder from a drugstore. "I sat my husband down and told him," Katie recalls. "I just couldn't keep it from him anymore." His reaction? "He doesn't understand it and no longer trusts me. He threatened to leave me if I ever go to jail."

The High Cost of Getting Caught
Katie has been arrested seven times. She's paid high fines and high legal fees. ("I've probably paid out more to lawyers than I've stolen," she says.) Recently"the affluent suburbanite was placed under "house arrest" for four months. She had to wear a monitor around her ankle so police could follow her every move. "I wasn't allowed to go anywhere except my job and church without special permission. I can't tell you how depressed and humiliated I was." It made Katie resolve to stop steal. ing. "I don't want to go to jail," she says.

Nevertheless, Katie already has a criminal record~one that will follow her for life. Shoplifting is, of course, a crime; the seriousness varies with the value of what's stolen. Although taking a few cosmetics from a drugstore may be petty larceny (a misdemeanor), it's all too easy for shoplifters to progress to grand larceny-a felony that often brings a jail sentence.
More and more stores are prosecuting sticky-fingered customers, even for small items. And in 43 states, shoplifters may face civil and/or criminal penalties. In Michigan, for example, they can be ordered to pay merchants up to 10 times the price of the stolen items. They can also be ordered to attend a treatment program.

Kicking the Habit
Arrests, fines, jail terms and treatment programs stop some shoplifters from repeating the crime. But experts say that hard-core addicts often need therapy as well. Jill Judson,* for example, saw four different therapists and a hypnotist. The 47-year-old mother of three went through a six-week shoplifting-prevention program. She even learned to swim. "One counselor asked what I was going to do in place of shoplifting; I chose swimming."
Still, it took Jill years to kick her habit. "I went through withdrawal. I had nightmares. I was obsessed with the thought of stealing. It takes willpower and personal commitment to make a change."
Jill finally stopped stealing five years ago. She began by shunning stores with lax security and shopping only when necessary. "As soon as I'd crossed every item off my list, I'd get the heck out of the store," she says. "Browsing or window shopping is too tempting to the shoplifter." So are large pockets and big coats. Jill started shopping in tight-fitting clothes.
"None of this was easy; it was scary," Jill says. "I made sure I had a bag too small to hold anything but my wallet and keys" When shopping for clothes, she'd take a friend along. Whenever she felt that urge to steal, she'd "flee the store. I'd go home and come back another time."
Jill did one more thing to help her change: She went back to church. "I felt that stealing had put me outside God's love," she says. Today Jill is not only a regular at Sunday services, but she also volunteers at her church. "I could never replace what I've stolen," she says. "This is my way of giving back."
Like all addicts, however, Jill is not cured. She'll have to fight the desire to shoplift for the rest of her life. Recently she spotted a Barbie doll wearing a white sequined dress. "I picked her up, held her and wondered where I could put her. Although I have no daughters and no use for the doll, I was sorely tempted to take her."
She didn't.

* Names with asterisks have been changed to protect the women’s privacy

Although adolescents account for only about 25 percent of the arrests for theft, experts say that 50 percent steal at one time or another. But teenagers rarely steal because of a psychological compulsion; the motivation is usually some form of peer pressure. Thus, experts say a child who steals a few items because his schoolmates called him chicken isn't necessarily headed for a life of crime.

Nevertheless, "a child should know what he's risking by stealing," says Doris LaBrasca of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee's Second Chance Program. "Even if he gets away with jt, he still has to live with himself." A teen who gets caught may have to pay a fine or do community service. At age 18, he could acquire a criminal record that haunts him for life.
How do you know if your child is shoplifting? The best clue: unexplained acquisitions. "If your kid seems to be acquiring things that are beyond his income, be suspicious," advises Dr. Jeff Gottlieb, head of a shoplifting program in Minnesota.
If you discover your child has stolen something, don't go overboard with punishments that exceed the crime-but don't ignore it either. A child who steals must understand that there are consequences for such behavior.
Repeated shoplifting could be a sign of trouble at home or at school. Dr. Gottlieb treated one girl who began shoplifting after her parents divorced. Therapy helped stop the stealing.

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